i found out something i probably shouldnt have known at this point of time.
now, i am all confused again. everything's starting all over again. the pain, everything. it took me so long, to figure out what i had to do with my life, and now, just within one conversation, my whole life took another HUGE turn. come on man, is it just that God is trying to give me a challenge? Or is it that my life is just so damn bloody hard. gosh.

its hard to live. so hard. i want to end it, but i know i cant. i would hurt so many.
i have got to carry on with my life. i dont want to fail anymore. i dont want to be going on like this, but i am just not able to do it anymore. i dont have to strength to move on, i dont have the courage and faith to tell myself, " cynthia, move on, you cant be stuck here forever."
i dont know what to do. who can tell me what to do.


Love is always patient and kind. It is never jealous. Love is never boastful or conceited. It is never rude or selfish.It does not take offence and is not resentful. Love takes no pleasure in other people's sins, but delights in the truth. It is always ready to excuse, to trust, to hope, to endure whatever that comes.
-A walk to remember, Nicholas Sparks.

i want to know whats going on. i really do. tell me, would you please please tell me.

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